Shipwrecked - Chapter 161: Humanizing (nosex)

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Chapter 161: Humanizing

The group going North headed out after breakfast. It was December 31st, the end of 2015. My 851st day since arriving on Phoenix. Some days, that time seemed to have lasted a decade. I could barely recall what it was like to have a convenient, first-world lifestyle. Air conditioning, leisure, electricity. Those were now foreign concepts. Occasionally, I longed for air conditioning, especially on days like the 31st where the skies were clear, the breeze light, and the heat oppressive. But mostly, I didn't long for my former comforts.

The isolation and primitive living on Phoenix, though, surely had disadvantages. No modern medical facilities was one of them. Azure's cough continued though still not growing worse. No fever or other signs of infection, but Kinnon continued to monitor her regularly. Amy was not sleeping well, and Keekah took her daughter for most of the day so that my other wife could try to rest. Not easy to do in a hot room with no wind and no air conditioning.

Bailey had Katie wrapped up in a sling which held tight against her chest, facing outward, our red-haired daughter looking sleepy after feeding from Bailey's breast for the last half-hour. "Gonna miss you," I told her after sharing a careful hug.

"I know," she smiled, "I'll miss you, too. This will be fun, though."

She'd told me the night before that it was just a bit of restlessness that sent her North. She'd been so isolated in the South camp since being pregnant that Bailey was itching to see something new for a change. I understood, of course, I just felt a little sadness at the thought of Bailey not being there every morning with a kiss and a hug, and not having Katie around each day would feel very strange after becoming so used to enjoying being her father over the previous months.

"Stay safe," I said, "I love you."

"Love you, Kal. Always."

- - -

In most ways, the passing of one year into the next meant nothing on Phoenix. It was my third New Year's Eve spent on the island, and really, only the first had much mattered. Years were shortcuts for the old world. They were a piece of trivia, an accident of cosmology. Those keeping journals, such as myself, Gale, Amy, and Bailey, recorded dates as shortcuts out of habit. We noted periods of time so that we could monitor resources and plan for the future. Years mattered not on Phoenix, and so, on December 31st, 2015, there was no celebration or other notice. Life continued as it had for so long, and, as I'd come to know well, all in all, life was pretty good.

Not for everyone, of course. While Hakee, Kinnon, and Nina had worked out of their difficulties with some ease, Felicity continued to struggle with her recent abuse and the demons which persisted in haunting her every step. Ekoh had already found more happiness and acceptance than he'd expected, but so far, Unune and her mother, Heeuah, had not. The latter, at least, would have the opportunity now that the could gain the privacy they sought in the South shelters.

Those from the North arrived about an hour after the group left to replace them. We greeted the arrivals and helped them get set up in their new locations. Many of those coming South had not stayed more than a couple of nights in the main camp, and a couple of them looked a little uncertain as they waited for us to get things sorted out. With Bailey, Manu, Tok, and Gale gone North, and Amy caring for Azure, our usual organizers were unavailable. It left me trying to sort things out.

We'd generally allowed people to sleep wherever they wished. I had a shelter I shared with Bailey, Keekah, Amy, and, usually, Kate, plus four little ones. Another shelter was reserved, when they were South, for Nina, Kate, and, now, it seemed, Kinnon. We set one aside for Heeuah and Unune, another for Ekoh and Sebastian. Felicity and Kate were in a fifth. Hunamu, Takino, and Popko shared a sixth, but those three were taking a lot of the upcoming night watches in pairs, so the odd man out was staying in the common shelter, instead, and as a result, we put Enumi and her four-year old daughter Aholinah, Holly, in that one. That left the final shelter for Iplah and his adult daughter, Yplanah.

I could see us adding another few shelters over time, especially given the lack of space in my own shelter with nine of us set up there. Plus, there would be some slack months in the coming winter when we would maintain a smaller presence in the North, more staying South. It was going to be crowded if we didn't expand, but it wasn't an immediate priority. The common shelter and the bathhouse could both be used to as sleeping quarters. Even the medical building had room so long as no patients were in there.

I talked to Hakee about an idea I had when we broke for a late lunch and a reprieve from the hot sun. "I want to have everyone finish up early tonight, say, three hours before sunset. Let's celebrate the end of the year and the coming of the new one."

Hakee replied, "Okay, I suppose."

"The new folks could use an easing into this place. They barely spent any time South before they went North. Let's welcome them. Break out the joints and rum, dance, sing. Maybe even get out that soccer ball and kick it around a bit."

She grinned, "Sure. I'll spread the word. Is this a luau or a black-tie affair?" she said sarcastically.

I smacked her butt, the firm, youthful flesh jiggling under my hand.

"Hey!" she laughed, "I kinda like that. I won't get anything else done if you keep doing that... I said, I like that."

I did it again after getting her point, then kissed her. "I'm happy for you, Hakee. Really, this new thing with you and Nina and Kinnon... I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks... We're doing pretty good, and," she added, "I think you're right. I like Kinnon. She's sweet. She's been... really understanding. I think I see why Nina loves her."

"Good to hear."

"Thanks for being you, Kal."

"I do my best," I joked.

"No, I mean... for listening. To all of us. Kinnon spoke so highly of how you talked to her about this. She rather adores you, I think. If she wasn't gay, I think she'd want to be your new wife."

I laughed. "My bed is overflowing already."

"Oh? Complaining about all the little hotties sharing your bed?"

"Not at all, though half the time, there's no room for me, either. Four babies and their three mothers make for a crowd. Often, I just sleep in the common room, at least part of the night."

"Well, there's room for one more in with us, should you ever need a spot. You're always welcome."

"I'll remember, thanks. Love you, Hakee."

"I love you, Kal. See you at the party."

- - -

I got Kate and Felicity to help me get things set up while Hakee and Nina made a special dinner. The lovers made a wet fruitcake with canned peaches and dried berries, and the main course was a special mix of snails, mushrooms, and potatoes in a rich, spicy sauce, with a side bowl filled with an assortment of fresh greens, wild onions, and hard cheese, drizzled with a little cherry wine, vinegar and salt. Kate and Felicity helped me bring out chairs and the small tables we'd built but rarely used.

We decorated by draping colorful fabrics, some of them a bit ragged, over top of the tables, candles lit on top of each. We'd been making the candles from waxy plants which grew in bunches along the treeline and some distance inside. They melted down easily, the fibers separating quickly from the waxy coating, and we had hundreds of them stored for future use. I'm certain Gale would have approved their usage that night, though I probably should have cleared it with her first since the candles were part of our tracked resources.

Keekah made daisy chain-like flower crowns for the women to wear, and for the men, she constructed facial stickers, of sorts, each made from a single red wildflower and some sticky resin from one of the trees near camp. As people began to break from work and then finish cleaning up, Keekah made sure to lay a crown or sticker on each person when they sat down for dinner.

Once all had gathered, about two hours before sunset, Hakee and Kinnon dished out the feast, while Nina and I poured drinks. Many took the rum, others wanted wine or brandy. Some wanted water, including Kinnon. I'd lit a couple of joints and passed those out ahead of time, and I was pleased to see the newcomers indulge and begin to relax.

Drink in hand, I stood near the cook fire and raise my glass before dinner started. "I want to thank everyone. This is the end of one year. Tomorrow begins another. Nothing really changes, though, does it? To all of us, tomorrow is just a return to pushing on and carrying through on our promises to each other. I know many of you are knew and are still learning to fit in here on Phoenix. I hoped, at least for a few hours, you can put down the hard work you've been doing and just enjoy a night together."

Eyes watched me as I gave my impromptu speech. Felicity's, in particular, seemed caught up in my words. "Tomorrow won't be easy, any more than today was, or the day before. We'll face challenges, but, together, we can overcome and grow stronger. I promised you when you came to Phoenix that we are family here. That includes all of you. We're happy to have you, and we're proud of the way you have worked hard for everyone's benefit. I want us to find times, like tonight, to remember to stop and have fun together, too. There's always a lot to do, and it may get much harder some weeks. But tonight, let's relax and spend time together, as friends. As family. Please, enjoy this meal and the fun to come."

"Hear, hear," Felicity called out to my surprise. She drank from her rum and the rest of us tipped our glasses back, as well.

Dinner, as was expected whenever Hakee was conjuring up something special, was exceptionally delicious. Conversation flowed easily all around. It was a pleasure to see the newcomers moving easily, laughing, meeting the folks who were on Phoenix before they arrived. For a long time, I just stepped back, sipped my rum, and watched.

"Did you bring that out for a reason?" Felicity said as she walked up.

"Hmm?"

"The soccer ball."

"Oh... I was thinking maybe some might like to kick it around a bit."

"I'd like that."

"Let's see who's interested."

We were joined by Hakee, Nina, Kinnon, Popko, Hunamu, Takino, Enumi, and Sebastian. Drawing out a rough field and goal markers, I suggested that Hakee and Felicity be captains to pick teams. Hakee took Nina, naturally, and Felicity picked me. Kinnon and Takino went to Hakee's team, while Popko and Enumi went to ours. Hakee finished her picks with Hunamu, and Sebastian completed our side.

With Kinnon in goal on one end and Popko on the other, we kicked off with an hour or so of light left, light-hearted songs beginning to be sung by those who remained around the fire.

The surprising thing I learned over that hour was that Sebastian was a savant when it came to soccer. It was like we were children compared to him. For all his foibles and hesitations and deliberateness in his usual behavior, his footwork was agile and quick, his passing always on target, even on the rough sand. He scored one goal after another after another, assisting on others.

The end result was not even close. Our team won by a large margin. We hadn't intended things to be so competitive, but after our team went up by three or four goals, Hakee's team started to take it personally and our fun was enhanced by the friendly competitive nature in the players.

Felicity was second best, I thought. Maybe not close to Sebastian's skills, but she knew what she was doing and with the two of them often passing it back and forth up the pitch, we had little trouble scoring regularly. She seemed to rather enjoy herself, and I loved to see the woman able to do something fun for a change.

"Where'd you learn to play like that," I asked Sebastian after darkness ended our match. "You were simply incredible out there."

He shrugged, then answered slowly, "I learned as a boy. It was all I had. One football. My one toy."

Part of me felt sadness for him, but he offered a smile and added, "I like playing football. Will we play again?"

"For sure. We'll make time when we have light, I promise."

He grinned. "Good."

I refilled my cup with rum and joined those singing around the fire. The songs were not in a language I knew, probably the native Uhonamonan tongue, but I hummed along as best I could and danced with anyone who would have me. First Kate and then Nina, Kinnon and Hakee, even Enumi, Heeuah, and little Holly, whose idea of dancing was mostly just holding my hands and swaying back and forth, the faded ankle-length dress she wore swishing from side to side.

A few folks had started to turn in for the night, many thanking me and the others for the enjoyable evening. I promised each it would not be the last. Iplah and Yplanah had indulged in both rum and cannabis and were more talkative that evening. They stuck around the fire longer than most, singing together with Takino, Kinnon, Hakee, and Nina. Felicity stuck around with Kate, the two sharing quiet conversation, but only Kate of the two danced until the very end.

My redheaded wife came over to me and gave me a kiss, "Having a good evening?' she asked, an arm around my shoulder.

"I am. We need to do this more often. It's very humanizing."

"Would you... would you dance with Felicity?"

I tilted my head. "I don't know that that's a good idea... she doesn't seem in the mindset to be approached by—"

Kate held up her hand. "It was her idea. She asked if it would be alright if you danced with her. I told her yes, but she didn't come over. I asked her if I could ask for her and she said yes."

"You think that's a good idea?"

"Yes. Please. She needs a little more proof that things are safe here. She may be cold to you sometimes, Kal. You more than anyone, I think. But it's not personal. Or rather, it is, I think. She wants to trust you and that makes it harder for her to be around you. It makes her vulnerable. She wants a dance. Please."

I smiled, "Okay."

I kissed my wife again, then stood and walked slowly to where Felicity sat by herself, the woman downing the rest of her rum. I said to Felicity, "I'm not much good at it, and I promise not to step on your feet more than three or four times, but I'd really enjoy it if you would share a dance with me while there's still a song in the air."

Felicity looked at me evenly, and I thought for a second she was going to snap off an angry response. Instead, a small smile spread on her face and her expression softened. "I'd like that." She reached out her hand, and I drew her to her feet.

I was nervous, afraid of making a move which triggered her or made her uncomfortable, afraid that putting my hand in the wrong place might end her fun and set her back. She looked at me expectantly. I sucked in my breath, gently placed a hand on her waist, and started to lead her in some simple, four-step dance that wasn't really much of a designed pattern. It was pretty much all I knew other than the Chicken Dance, which I wasn't about to break out without a lot more alcohol.

At first, she moved stiffly, uncertainly. I thought she was testing her emotions. That was okay, I knew, and I tried my best to lead gently rather than insistently. Felicity watched my face, studying my expression. Was she looking for any sign that I was a threat? That I might have been the next man to abuse her? Was she looking to assign blame, or to ask forgiveness? I couldn't tell.

I became aware that she was, very slowly, closing the distance between us. We'd started out spread apart about as far as we could and still hold hands. My other hand was on her waist, her other on my shoulder. But over time, as we danced, I realized my elbow was bent at a deep angle and her hand had begun to hang over my shoulder, not on it. I didn't think I was doing it, but it happened so gradually, I wasn't sure.

Only after several minutes of relative silence did I realize the music had stopped. I looked around to see no one else by the fire. Even Kate was gone. I stopped moving. Felicity was watching me closely. She whispered, "This is a big deal for me, Kal. This. Right now. I'm starting to panic."

I started to pull my hand away, thinking she meant the physical touch.

Felicity stopped me, saying, "Please... let me push through this..."

I nodded and stayed silent. I didn't really know what to do. For whatever reason, I started to move again, and to my surprise, Felicity closed the distance further and danced with me.

The sky overhead was clear, stars bright and sparkling, the night not too hot and the breeze, coming over the ridge from the Northeast, cool enough to avoid sweating. We danced together with uncertainty between us. I could see her battling her instincts, staying close to me despite the urge to fight or run or scream or hide.

She closed further, her stomach just an inch from my exposed flesh, her eyes still locked on mine. We moved more urgently, Felicity beginning to hum a song I didn't know but which had repeated bars suggesting our movements. I dipped her and she went with it, returning upright, and then spinning when I pulled her hand higher. Her eyes found mine again, her humming growing stronger, her dress swirling around her calves.

All of a sudden she went slightly-limp and we stopped. Her hums grew silent. Felicity let go of my hand and I dropped mine in turn. She let out a long breath, shuddered, then said, "That's enough for now..."

"You okay?"

"No," she said, an edge of the coldness in her words, her next hiding it again, "but I got through that. Thank you... I needed... something."

"I enjoyed the dance, Felicity. I really did."

"As did I."

I yawned. "Getting tired. You?"

"A bit."

"But not ready for sleep?"

She shook her head, "No. Got any more of those joints?"

"More than you and I could smoke in a year. Join me on the steps after I put away the rest of the chairs?"

"I'll help."

Felicity and I worked in silence, stowing the rest of the things we'd brought out that night, the fire already put to bed earlier by someone else. I pulled a handful of joints out of the old cigar case where we stored them, then sat on the steps of the common shelter where Felicity was already waiting, Kate next to her. Kate's eyes danced in the starlight. She seemed happy to see her charge's progress that night.

"I suppose I owe you thanks," Felicity told Kate after I passed her a lit joint. "For letting me borrow your husband tonight. I... I'm trying to find this strength thing you two keep telling me I have."

She offered the doobie to Kate, but my wife declined, saying, "I still nurse little ones, don't want them getting anything like that in my milk."

"That is fascinating," Felicity replied, "that you can nurse. How is that, anyway?"

"No clue. It just... sort of happened. A miracle, I guess. A blessing, for sure."

Felicity passed the joint back to me, her eyes already bloodshot and narrowing. I inhaled a couple of times, returning it to her again.

"I really liked tonight," Felicity said quietly, "I need more of this."

"Then we'll make time every night to do something fun," Kate told her. "It won't always be a party like this one, but at least you and me can do something fun. I'll kick the ball around with you any time, if you want."

"Kal, too. I need to know... I just need to know how I'll... react. I don't know myself anymore and I'm having to... learn..."

"I'll join whenever I can," I promised.

"It was really fun. Playing football. Dancing."

"We haven't had a lot of time for such things, lately," I replied, "we spent Christmas Day together, and today, but otherwise... we need to do better in helping all the new folks become comfortable. Those of us who've been here, especially when the Hahonokoans arrived, had a lot of such moments where were able to bond and get to know each other."

"You mean more than dancing, I suspect..."

"Err, yeah, at times."

"So what," Felicity asked, "an orgy?"

"Well... sort of, yes. I'm not suggesting we do that now," I added hurriedly, "but the idea of our new and old crowds having a chance to loosen up and relax and let themselves get used to the new lives we're building together."

"Oh," Felicity said.

Kate replied, "You sound... disappointed."

"No," the woman responded, "I dunno... You know that an... orgy... would not be something I'm interested in right now..."

"No, I know," Kate agreed.

"Not saying I'd judge others, but... Not for me..."

Kate nodded, then said, "The other day... you told me that watching Ekoh and Keekah had been... difficult, but not triggering."

Felicity nodded.

"And it was good for you to see others not being abusive..."

She nodded again.

"You're going to see a lot of that, here. I... I worry what you might think."

Felicity replied, "So do I. I was surprised by what I saw that morning. I mean... you explained it to me but that was the first time... so in my face. I suppose I could have had a worse reaction..."

I lit a second joint and passed it after grinding the first roach into the sand.

Felicity continued, "What's really confusing is... I miss being... desired."

I caught Kate's eye, confusion there matching my own.

"What I mean is," Felicity explained, "it was horrible. He was horrible. What he did to me was horrible, and yet... I think it's called Stockholm Syndrome when a captive comes to become enamored by their captive. Well, I didn't fall for that asshole or anything, but... at least I could count on hating him. It fed me. It made me angry. Hurt. Ashamed. I had a focus, though, and all of that depended on him desiring something from me I would never willingly give him. Now that that's gone... I hate that I miss that one part of the torture."

"I cannot imagine..." Kate said gently.

"Nor can I," Felicity responded, "it makes no sense to me. I hate being confused, by my reactions to things now. I hate how much I feel like somebody else."

"You got to be you again for a little while tonight, right?" Kate said.

Felicity nodded, a small smile, "I suppose I did. It helped to remember what that felt like. And, Kal," she said, looking at me, "that was really nice of you to dance with me after how I've treated you."

Rather than excuse what she wished to condemn about our interactions, I simply told her, "It was my pleasure."

She smiled softly, then yawned. "Think I'm finally about ready to sleep." She passed back the rest of the joint and I finished it off. Kate rose and Felicity followed.

I kissed and hugged my wife, then told Felicity, "I enjoyed sharing the fun with you tonight. It won't be the last time."

Felicity nodded, then hesitated, her arms stuck a few inches out from her body. Her fingers twitched, her face uncertain. She pushed herself against me gently and gave me the briefest of hugs which I didn't try to return. It was over in an instant and her steps took her away quickly. Kate gave me an understanding expression and I kissed her again before heading into my shelter.

On the bed, sprawled out and nearly taking up all the room was Keekah, with Harry and Hermione beside her. Amy was still sleeping in the common room, and Bailey and Katie were North. I couldn't see how it was possible we had all fit on the oversized mattresses given how much room Keekah had managed to take up on her own. I grinned and crawled in beside her, wrapping myself over her body and kissing her cheek. She stirred briefly, sighed, and started snoring again. I reached over her to stroke Hermione's head a moment, the infant sound asleep. It didn't take long for me to join my wife and children in a peaceful unconsciousness.